how connection developsLeaving an abusive relationship and ceasing to feel attached are different experiences. In their 1993 study, Donald Dutton and Susan Painter examined attachment after women had recently separated from abusive partners.
Their traumatic bonding theory concerned unequal power and alternating mistreatment and positive treatment. The study assessed 75 women, including 50 whose relationships involved physical violence, and followed them over six months.
Attachment declined by about 27% on average. Relationship characteristics, including abuse, its intermittency, and power differences, were associated with later attachment. The findings supported the authors' theory, although the observational design could not establish that those dynamics caused the attachment.
The distinction is useful when understanding a separation. Continuing affection does not establish that a relationship was safe, and separation need not immediately end its emotional significance.
Sources
Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. (1993). Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: A test of traumatic bonding theory. Violence and Victims, 8(2), 105–120.